Sunday 13 November 2016

Repel Boarders! Two Unintermittently Stupid Sophomores Outstay Their Welcome . . . Ackerly and Ackley Conform to Type for Giacommetiesque J D Salinger and Jean Webster

A sophomoric heroine and a sophomoric hero are just settling down to immersion in an edifying book, when the seclusion of their dorms is breached by . . .

It rained so we . . . had to go to gymnasium instead. The girl next to me banged my elbow with an Indian club. I got home to find that the box with my new blue spring dress had come, and the skirt was so tight that I couldn’t sit down. Friday is sweeping day, and the maid had mixed all the papers on my desk. We had tombstone for dessert (milk and gelatin flavoured with vanilla). We were kept in chapel twenty minutes later than usual to listen to a speech about womanly women. And then—just as I was settling down with a sigh of well-earned relief to The Portrait of a Lady, a girl named Ackerly, a dough-faced, deadly, unintermittently stupid girl, who sits next to me in Latin because her name begins with A (I wish Mrs. Lippett had named me Zabriski), came to ask if Monday’s lesson commenced at paragraph 69 or 70, and stayed ONE HOUR. She has just gone.
            Did you ever hear of such a discouraging series of events? It isn’t the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh—I really think that requires spirit.
            It’s the kind of character that I am going to develop. I am going to pretend that all life is just a game which I must play as skilfully and fairly as I can.
Daddy-Long-Legs 
First person epistolary coming-of-age novel 
by Jean Webster, 1912.
(A best-seller with over 1 million copies sold 
before the end of the decade.)

Daddy-Long-Legs
(Silent movie, 1919.)

He’s tall and thinnish with
a dark face all over lines . . . 
he has fourteen years’ start of me.’ 


Anyway, I put on my new hat and sat down and started reading that book Out of Africa. I’d read it already, but I wanted to read certain parts over again. I’d only read about three pages, though, when I heard somebody coming through the shower curtains. Even without looking up, I knew right away who it was. It was Robert Ackley, this guy that roomed right next to me. There was a shower right between every two rooms in our wing, and about eighty-five times a day old Ackley barged in on me. He was probably the only guy in the whole dorm, besides me, that wasn’t down at the game. He hardly ever went anywhere. He was a very peculiar guy. He was a senior, and he’d been at Pencey the whole four years and all, but nobody ever called him anything except “Ackley.” Not even Herb Gale, his own roommate, ever called him “Bob” or even “Ack.” If he ever gets married, his own wife’ll probably call him “Ackley.” He was one of these very, very tall, round-shouldered guyshe was about six fourwith lousy teeth. The whole time he roomed next to me, I never even once saw him brush his teeth. They always looked mossy and awful, and he damn near made you sick if you saw him in the dining room with his mouth full of mashed potatoes and peas or something. Besides that, he had a lot of pimples. Not just on his forehead or his chin, like most guys, but all over his whole face. And not only that, he had a terrible personality. He was also sort of a nasty guy. I wasn’t too crazy about him, to tell you the truth.

From the novel’s concluding epilogic paragraph . . . 
. . . [my brother] asked me what I thought about all this stuff I just finished telling you about. I didn't know what the hell to say. If you want to know the truth, I don't know what I think about it. I’m sorry I told so many people about it. About all I know is, I sort of miss everybody I told about. Even old . . . Ackley, for instance . . . It’s funny. Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.
The Catcher in the Rye
First person testimonial coming-of-age novel
by J. D. Salinger, 1951.
(A best-seller with over 1.5 million copies sold
by the end of the decade.)

Giacommetiesque?
The Apotheosis of
J D Salinger.

(Published by
The San Diego Union-Tribune
two days after 
the writer’s death.)






Shadow of the Thin Man in Gender-Rôle-Reversal.

Ackerly and Ackley? A tribute? A homage? Is there a correlative? 
            Of course I cannot be sure.
            However, I am sure that to all appearances The Catcher in the Rye can be seen as a shadow novel whose sophomoric gender-rôle-reversal resonates decidedly with Daddy-Long-Legs insofar as there exist observable concordances congruent with certain recurrent motifs found in Salinger’s most characteristic pseudo-autographical works. 
            I’m thinking here of the reclusive ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’ himself, described as ‘. . . tall and thinnish with a dark face all over lines, and the funniest underneath smile that never quite comes through but just wrinkles up the corners of his mouth . . . he has fourteen years’ start of me. In other ways, though, he’s just an overgrown boy, and he does need looking after—he hasn’t any sense about wearing rubbers when it rains.’ 
            ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’, if you are not familiar with the novel, is an unseen wealthy New York benefactor so named by the young orphan girl in starched gingham whom he has chosen to fund through college. The name derives from her ‘fleeting impression of the man . . .’ glimpsed at the orphan asylum, consisting ‘. . . entirely of tallness . . .’ a shadow of a man that ‘. . . pictured grotesquely elongated legs and arms that ran along the floor and up the wall of the corridor.’ 
            The novel is composed wholly of the orphan girl’s letters to her unknown patron, written in a fresh slangy style, describing her daily student life, encouraged by ‘Daddy-Long-Legs’ who conveys through the Orphanage Superintendent the explanation for his beneficence. ‘The gentleman . . . believes that you have originality, and he is planning to educate you to become a writer.’


Homespun Confessions of Do-Gooding All-American Every-Teens.

The authoress of Daddy-Long-Legs was the grand-niece of Mark Twain so it is no surprise to learn that a literary lineage is considered by American critics to survive in her epistolary coming-of-age novel, a novel redolent of the homespun do-gooding moral choices enacted in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, a first person account by a boy of ‘thirteen or fourteen or along there.’  The novel is narrated by Huck:
            ‘You don’t know about me . . . but that ain’t no matter.’
            Compare sixteen-year-old Holden Caulfield in The Catcher in the Rye:
            ‘If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like . . .’
            Compare the eager seventeen-year-old orphan girl in starched gingham in Daddy-Long-Legs:  
            ‘Here I am! [at college.] . . . It seems queer to be writing letters to somebody you don’t know. It seems queer for me to be writing letters at all—I've never written more than three or four in my life, so please overlook it if these are not a model kind . . . But how can one be very respectful to a person who [is anonymous] . . . I might as well write letters to Dear Hitching-Post or Dear Clothes-Prop.’
            To her anonymous benefactor the orphan girl in starched gingham writes: ‘You have already given me such lots of things—everything I have, you know—that I don’t quite feel that I deserve extras. But I like them just the same. Do you want to know what I bought with my money? . . . A silver watch in a leather case to wear on my wrist and get me to recitations in time . . . I’m pretending to myself that . . . the watch is from father . . .


A Teenage Orphan with a Wrist Watch ‘Too Large for Her Slender Wrist’.

One is reminded of Salinger’s For Esmé with Love and Squalor. 
            ‘I happened to be looking at [thirteen-year-old orphan Esmé’s] enormous-faced, chronographic-looking wristwatch again. I asked if it had belonged to her [late] father. She looked down at her wrist solemnly. “Yes, it did,” she said.’ 
            Or . . .            
             Would you like me to write to you?’ she asked, with a certain amount of colour in her face. ‘I write extremely articulate letters for a person my . . . ’
            Or . . .
            Esmé gave me a long, faintly clinical look. ‘You have a dry sense of humour, haven’t you?’ she said–wistfully.
            Or . . . 
            ‘Usually, I'm not terribly gregarious,’ [Esmé] said, and looked over at me to see if I knew the meaning of the word. I didn’t give her a sign, though, one way or the other. ‘I purely came over because I thought you looked extremely lonely. You have an extremely sensitive face.’ I said she was right, that I had been feeling lonely, and that I was very glad she’d come over. [To which Esmé replies:] I’m training myself to be more compassionate.’
            For Jerome Salinger, the interplay between an orphaned adolescent girl and a man fourteen years her senior (Jervis) virtually corresponds to his own exchanges, as ‘Sergeant X’, with thirteen-year-old Esmé (if the fiction were truly a factual account, Salinger would have been 24-years-old when he met 13-year-old ‘Esmé’ on Saturday April 29 1944*). 
            In both accounts the callow earnestness of the two adolescent girls enchants their older male interlocutors who are portrayed as disillusioned idealists, prematurely aged yet devilishly attractive withal.  
            Such sentiments and characteristics identified in For Esmé with Love and Squalor certainly chime with those found in exchanges between the wrist-watch-wearing orphan girl and her cadaverous benefactor, Jervis Pendleton, in Daddy-Long-Legs:
            ‘. . . lots of very clever men get smashed up in Wall Street. But at least you will stay tall all your life! So I've decided to call you Dear Daddy-Long-Legs.’
            Across the decades following her death, it is almost as if Jean Webster were—in place of Jervis—describing Jerome (‘Sergeant X’), the laconic Dostoevski-quoting idealist who is branded by his corporal as looking ‘. . . like a goddam corpse. How much weight ya lose? How many pounds?’
            Both admirers of the girls are survivors of breakdowns: for Jerome it was recovery from ‘battle fatigue’; for Jervis, an outdoors man, it was recovery from pneumonia contracted when hunting (he clearly neglects to wear rubbers when it rains)**.      
            The coordinates shared by these two authors of classic first-person-coming-of-age narratives are, in my own view, uncanny:
            1)  The mantle of Mark Twain both authors wear.
            2)  The college dorms’ bêtes noiresAckerly and Ackley. 
            3)  The two sophomoric narrators characterised as runaways from school. 
            4)  The two tall cadaverous epistolary interlocutors of adolescent orphaned girls.
            5)  The mirrored pentasyllabic names of Jerome Salinger and Jervis Pendleton.
            6)  The morning-faced Pollyanna-ishness of the girls’ unalloyed optimism. 
            7)  The girls’ totemic wrist-watches signifying rites-of-passage out of girlhood. 
            8]  The preference of two New Yorker hebephiles for nymphic girls. 
            9]  Both Jerome and Jervis are mentors to apprentice teenage writers.
                  And more . . . 


Surrogate Fathers.

Of course, let me be the first to confess to my being a common lay reader and not an academic one. It’s just that these literary connections strike me as worthy of remark.
            As it is, I am not alone in zeroing in on the the symbol of Esmé’s ‘military-looking’ wrist watch’, which she mails to ‘Sergeant X’, transforming him into a Daddy-Long-Legs-like surrogate father to whom she writes.
            For Salinger, the consummation of this idolisation of developing young girls found its most perfect expression when, following his fan letter to 18-year-old Joyce Maynard upon publication of her article (An Eighteen Year Old Looks Back on Life) in The New York Times Magazine, she became his protégée and he became her Daddy-Long-Legs . . . a New York gentleman who persuades her to drop out of Yale in her freshman year and whose extra-curricula education he plans to oversee because he believes she has originality as a writer.
            The epistolary Salinger was fifty-three years of age.    
            Here’s a description of Salinger (circa 1950, aged thirty-one) by a Park Avenue girl-friend: ‘He came in, and he was very, very tall. Very thin. Elongated and attenuated, like a candlestick, a Giacometti statue, you know, not like a lantern. And he had these wonderful eyes, the colour of black coffee. Very intense. You could feel it suddenly, his extremely intense presence.’       
            Twenty-two years later, significantly, the cover photo for the NY Times magazine features Joyce wearing an oversized watch resembling the one on Esmé’s wrist that ‘Sergeant X’  remembers, recalling how he had wanted to ‘suggest that she try wearing it around her waist.’
             It’s an image that, rightly, literary theorists have fixated on. It’s a fetishised image that summons up the writer’s preoccupation with arresting time, a space to savour youth while its bloom remains, stainlessly uncharactered by the corruptibility of self regard.
             (Arrested time: It was a long time before X could . . . lift Esmé’s father’s wristwatch out of the box. When he did finally lift it out, he saw that its crystal had been broken in transit.’
             According to Salinger’s biographers (Salinger by David Shields and Shane Salerno, 2013), throughout Salinger’s life ‘he was fixed upon this pivot point between childhood and adulthood . . . He loved childhood, wanted to canonise it’ .
             Well put.
             Yet, may I suggest that such an apprehension, so evident in The Catcher in the Rye was planted long, long ago in the psyche of the All-American Girl by the authoress of Daddy-Long-Legs. 
            

Champions of Childhood Innocence

That both teenage narrators (of The Catcher in the Rye and of Daddy-Long-Legs) are the champions of a childhood innocence that cannot be saved from adulthood reveals a commonality that expresses an ultimately moral theme: in short, ‘I’m training myself to be more compassionate.’
            In The Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield muses on the defencelessness of his kid sister, Phoebe: ‘Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around—nobody big, I mean—except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy.’
            In Daddy-Long-Legs, the orphaned letter-writer confesses the pain of her orphanhood, which once prompted her to run away: ‘It’s really awfully queer not to know what one is . . . wouldn’t you expect her to run away? I only ran four miles. They caught me and brought me back . . . Duty was the one quality that was encouraged. I don't think children ought to know the meaning of the word; it’s odious, detestable. They ought to do everything from love . . If I have five children, like Rousseau, I shan't leave them on the steps of a foundling asylum in order to insure their being brought up simply . . . Wait until you see the orphan asylum that I am going to be the head of! It’s my favourite play at night before I go to sleep. I plan it out to the littlest detail—the meals and clothes and study and amusements . . . But anyway, they are going to be happy. I think that every one, no matter how many troubles he may have when he grows up, ought to have a happy childhood to look back upon. And if I ever have any children of my own, no matter how unhappy I may be, I am not going to let them have any cares until they grow up.’



And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. 

                                                                                                 Anaïs Nin (circa 1947)



* Esmé, in her letter to ‘Sergeant X’, professes they first met on ‘April 30 1944’, yet that day was a Sunday, which could not be so, because ‘Sergeant X’ tells us they became acquainted in a teashop on a Saturday. April 29 1944 was a Saturday. She writes on June 7 1944: ‘I hope you will forgive me for having taken 38 days to begin our correspondence . . . ’ Can we, therefore, assume that: a) Esmé’s ‘wristwatch, a military-looking one that looked rather like a navigator’s chronograph’ is inaccurate? or b) the day they met was sacred in her memory, a Sunday-sort-of-day?; or c) the author has attempted to reproduce the effects of disordered time and memory experienced in the mind of an orphaned girl fixed on the ‘pivot point between childhood and adulthood’ and living, she admits, in ‘difficult days’? or d) the ‘talisman’ she sends is her own specific symbol of ‘squalor’ since the watch is, in actuality, smashed when she mails it, and it represents her own tragic orphaned state.



** Shades of maimed and blinded Mr Rochester and orphan, Jane Eyre. In fact, the orphan of Daddy-Long-Legs writes: ‘When I was reading about little Jane’s troubles in the charity school, I got so angry that I had to go out and take a walk.’

Kenneth Slawenski, the renowned biographer of Salinger, brings an entirely fresh perspective to contextual speculations.   

Kenneth Slawenski writes: Many of Salinger’s most significant characters were (at least initially) based on real people. It’s likely that the character of Esmé was based upon Salinger’s fiancé at the time he wrote the story. She was an especially serious-minded 18-year-old, born in England, and Salinger was so extremely devoted to her at the time as to make it unimaginable that she had not been the primary inspiration for Esmé’s character. 
             Ackley’s origin is a simpler matter. Salinger went to boarding school with a Richard Ackley. I’m not sure why Salinger picked on his luckless classmate but poor Ackley complained bitterly of his depiction for decades. 
             I’ve noticed the date discrepancy in ‘For Esmé’. Salinger’s stories teem with dates and numbers and it wouldn’t be his only chronological error—he made a few when building the Glass series. It just might be that: a simple mistake. But I tend to agree that there’s something more to it—and that it’s full meaning was probably known to Salinger alone. Looking at Salinger’s life, the choice of dates is interesting. Salinger would not have been aimlessly walking the streets of Tiverton on either day. Friday, April 28 was the date of Operation Tiger, one of the most horrific events in Salinger’s life. Could the choice of dates represent a search for solace regarding that event/memory? Isn’t ‘For Esmé’ actually a story divided in three (if we count the unseen but very-present war in between)? Could Esmé have brought about a measure of resurrection we often associate with Sunday?
             They’re fascinating questions. And I believe that Salinger, despite his protestations, would have enjoyed that we’re considering them. Why else would he have included so much symbolism into his work? But sometimes we’re left still not knowing. And I think he’d enjoy that, too.

Kenneth Slawenski’s scholarly writings on The Catcher in the Rye may be read at his site dedicated to the life and works of J.D. Salinger at http://www.deadcaulfields.com/

Unborn America . . . the American Nobility, part 1.

Postscript (21.11.2016) Despite the numerous open-ended possibilities for interpretations adumbrated in the foregoing commentaries, there remain – I am prepared to admit – residual suspicions as to the sentiments (contra-Lolita) that prompt the seeming willingness of the New World to be seduced by the Old World in For Esmé - with Love and Squalor
‘My first name is Esmé. I don’t think I shall tell you my full name, for the moment. I have a title and you may just be impressed by titles.’ 
Just think, the lines that follow were composed in the year of Salinger’s birth. They are from the penultimate couplet of An American Nobility (dedicated to Unborn America) and would seem to be an exhortation to the impressionable to resist the siren voices of an outworn patricianate.
Americans! direct your destiny!
Build of yourselves a New Nobility!
 
One wonders whether the the author of An American Nobility had in mind the Noble Order’ of  the Knights of Labor, the workers organization that in mid-1880s claimed a membership of 700,000.
 
Note: If any citizen of the United States shall accept, claim, receive or retain, any title of nobility or honor, or shall, without the consent of Congress, accept and retain any present, pension, office or emolument of any kind whatever, from any emperor, king, prince or foreign power, such person shall cease to be a citizen of the United States, and shall be incapable of holding any office of trust or profit under them, or either of them 
Titles of Nobility Amendment,               
The United States Constitution.            
 



Proto-Holden postscript (1) – 24.03.2017.

A recent citation to which my attention has been drawn reveals an interesting proto-Holden passage in Charles A Fenton’s contemporaneous account of flying as a tail-gunner in World War II, published 1945.***
He remembered that phoney prep. school. You had to go there, or something like it, if your father were a would-be captain of industry. They taught you bad manners and what clothes to wear and the superiority of your class. But if you were lucky you had in the four years perhaps one intelligent master, and you discovered Hemingway***and Keats and the dusty charm of history books. You had splendid long talks at night with your friends and decided you were the true lost generation. He wondered about that. Perhaps a part of every generation was lost.
***   From You’ll Get No Promotion by Charles A Fenton in Penguin Parade published 1945.
**** Charles A Fenton, author of The Apprenticeship of Ernest Hemingway; The Best Short Stories of World War II: an American Anthology; and Stephen Vincent Benét: The Life and Times of an American Man of Letters, 1898-1943.

 

Proto-Holden postscript (2) – 21.06.2022.

Another citation for sardonic prep school ennui may be found in A Ballad of Love by Frederic Prokosch (1960). Consider this passage:
He’s terribly unhappy. He’s thought of suicide. Many a time. He told me so.’
     ‘Well, I don’t blame him. I’d cut my jugular if were Latimer.’ 
     The sun shone on our faces and the scent of hawthorn hung over us: it seemed like an embodiment, a distillation of all the aromas of youth: the nameless yearnings, the dark cunning, the haunted pride, the hovering expectancy, with just a hint of something predatory and homicidal.

 
 

Superman: honorary prole – American Nobility part 2, postscript 11.08.2019

The veneration of an alien nobility – and desire for its knightly puissance – which appears to pervade the American psyche is seemingly also reflected in another literary production: the comicbook Superman mythos whose protagonist is the messianic son of a hierarch from a distant planet, Krypton, raised as the son of man (farm folk, Jonathan and Martha Kent) in Smallville, Kansas. That this literary invention (Joseph Shuster and Jerry Siegel) is virtually contemporaneous with the gestation of Salinger’s For Esmé with Love and Squalor surely points to a predictable collective unconscious sparking the imaginations of these writers that cleaves to familiar prophetic archetypes drawn from memories of ancient scriptures . . .  the ‘outworn patricianate’ forewarned in the American Nobility (1920), see above. 

So droit de seigneur or noblesse oblige? For more remarks on the chivalric code of the British Isles, see Lord Lucan:
https://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.com/2016/02/lord-lucan-case-of-long-overdue.html


Superman overpowers Hitler's Minister of Propaganda Goebbels
to ring the Liberty Bell over Nazi Radio Berlin.
(Superman comic, #26 January-February 1944,
published two months before ‘Sergeant X’ encounters
the aristocratic Esmé in April in Devon, England.
Salinger’s For Esmé with Love and Squalor.)


Catherine Eisner believes passionately in plot-driven suspense fiction, a devotion to literary craft that draws on studies in psychoanalytical criminology and psychoactive pharmacology to explore the dark side of motivation, and ignite plot twists with unexpected outcomes. 
see Eisner’s Sister Morphine (2008)
(where the counterespionage operations of Stoneburgh may be read in Red Coffee)
and Listen Close to Me (2011)

Tuesday 1 November 2016

D-r Tchékhov: A Textbook Case . . . Prof. Yanychev’s Three-Cornered Duel

I have mentioned on a number of occasions the existence of the manuscript, A Textbook Case, putatively by Chekhov, which fell into the possession of my father at the end of WWII, and whose pages relate the misadventures of the morphine-dependent D-r Anton Tchékhov, aged 28 years, when investigating the mysterious duelling death of an aristocratic cadet in a remote snowbound northern garrison.  
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/d-r-tchekhov-detektiv-long-lost-novel.html       
        Evidently, my father believed the ms to be the long-lost novel to which Chekhov referred in a letter to Pleshcheev on 9 Feb. 1888; understood by scholars to be a fugitive work in progress but never found: ‘Ah, if you knew what a plot I have in my noddle! What marvellous women! What funerals . . . !’

        
        Well, a funeral there was, for this extract from the ms – An Unwreathed Burial – may be read here . . . 
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/khar-r-r-kai-khar-r-r-kai-khar-r-r-kai.html
        . . .  but, before a funeral there must be a death, and that passage from the ms has yet to be seen by a wider readership. So here it is, with an expanded exegesis on my father’s part to explain D-r Tchékhov’ allusion to The Three-Cornered Duel Problem posed by Professor Grigoriy Yevseyevich Yanychev (1804-1867), mathematician and leading 19th Century proponent of probability theory (his gifted young protégé was the distinguished algebraist, A. A. Markov the elder).
        Note: the idiosyncratic orthography throughout is my father’s.


A Textbook Case

In the dead of winter, for a Muscovite medico-anthropologist to stumble across a tableau mort frozen rigid in an attitude of heroic redundancy was to bow to an unwelcome knowledge that the catalogue of diseases inhabiting the General’s ill-favoured region was apparently not complete.
  “Make way!” shouted the komendant. “Field-surgeon forward!”
   Under the doctor’s generalship the party advanced.
   “A textbook case,” mused the General. “A perfect diagramma for a duel imprinted on the snow.”
  The undertaker crew halted a sazhen from the corpse.
   Again was uttered another dreadful dissyllable.  “Umer!” Anton heard an ensign exclaim. “Dead!” O! Nicolai Chudotvórets! Wonder Worker! Saint of God!”
  Anton thought of the morgue under the Moscow Medical Faculty building. 
  “Alas,” he reflected, “what is terrible is not the corpses, but the fact that I am no longer terrified of them.”
  “We must live by the quick and not with the dead.”  The General answered the unspoken thought.
  “First we’ll review the stricken field. A posthumous procès-verbal may well be required to satisfy our masters. That job falls to you,” the General ordained. 
  “HQ’s going to have me strung up for this, but,” and he gripped Anton’s shoulders compellingly, “while a noose is still running there’s still time to pray.”
  He broke away with a bitter laugh.
  “There’s the barriere.” He pointed to an odd shaped piece of wood stuck in the snow.
  “Take note. Cannoneer Kulikov’s shin-guard for a starting post.”
  In the moonlight the impressed footsteps were quite clear. The old frontier scout essayed a rapid reconstruction of the victim’s last moments, intent upon unriddling the monomachian rituals performed by insulter and insulted, by slayer and slain. 
  This was not the first time the General had smelled powder. 
  “Eight paces. Trod by the Offender. The Challenger proposes distance so, naturally, the Prince faces the butts – to be sure he gains the advantage of a co-ordinate. It assists the eye to draw a bead on a marker. Then it’s . . .  ‘Stations, Gentlemen, Attend!’ The Prince would have conceded to Pomidorchik. So Kulikov steps forward. ‘Aim! Fire!’  The Offender fires first.  The Aggressor has to make himself as small as possible – remember Mychetzky?* – by standing sideways, right hand on his chest, presenting the most difficult target. Dammit! Then what?  This problem is worse than Professor Yanychev’s Three-Cornered Duel!”
   There was a muffled report as the General blew his nose and resumed.
  “According to the Duello honour code, the rôles would then reverse, and the Prince would’ve returned fire whilst Kulikov stood his ground. Unless it was a lucky first shot I can’t believe Kulikov’s marksmanship could strike a mortal blow from that distance. He’d never handled a rod until today. Look! Five steps to the barriere, his pace is unbroken, he doesn’t pause to fire, just keeps walking in the return direction!  There’s the puzzle!” 
  Reluctantly, the General’s eyes swept the combat area until his gaze rested on the dark enigma that broke the surface of the field.
  Khvatit! Dovol'no! No more! Enough!” groaned the General. “Proceed, mon cher docteur, let our post-mortem begin.” 
        Anton braced himself, eyes half-shut, resisting full immersion in his drug-induced repose. He knew with certainty, as he struggled to withstand the narcotic’s serpentine embrace, that chance was beckoning him to draw near to witness one of the last and purest fountainheads of the empire’s accursed sentimental morbidity, frozen forever at its furthermost source ; that providence suffered him – and he alone – to be present in such close attendance at the pallida Mors of panslavonic Wertherism; to witness the fleurettes and gasconnades of an age of literary flâneurs wither in the Russian snows; to certify once and for all their extinction in all their tragic pathos.
       A doctor, as everyone should know, enjoys being at a duel. 


For the General’s recollections of duels between the cadet Mychetzky and his classmate Nezlobin, see Winter Rules and Le Diable Boiteux at :
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/winter-rules-and-le-diable-boiteux.html       


[ End of extract. ]  


Lèse-majesté – Yanychev’s Three-Cornered Duel.

Following the death of Aleksandr Pouschkin in a duel (January, 1837) fought with his wife Natalya’s admirer, Baron D’Anthès, the brilliant young mathematician, Grigoriy Yevseyevich Yanychev devised the satirical problem of the three-cornered duel, incorporating Aleksandr Pouschkin [A], the Baron [B] and, a second anonymous lover, the Count [C ]. This squib was considered by the Tsarist Court to have defamed the aristocracy and, in consequence, Yanychev was banished as a poselenets to Archangel (an exile-settler status for transgressors who did not fall into the harsher category of katorzhnik or convict).


Pistols for Three

“It is highly probable,” said Natalya to her lover, “that in a three-cornered duel only one of my three admirers will survive. Therefore, my dear Baron, so you alone may live, I beseech you to miss with your first shot.”
(1) Natalya began by assuming that the Baron was acquainted with the relative proficiency of his rivals.  This is how she calculated that B would be the sole surviver, and not A, her husband or C, her rejected lover : 
(a) If B kills A, it is C’s turn to fire.  There is a 3/4 chance that he will  kill B.  If he misses, the Baron has a second shot. There is a 2/3 chance that he will now kill the Count and secure the love of Natalya. 
(b) If B misses Aleksandr, C will fire at A next. (This is certain, because if C fires at B and kills him, he will next be killed in turn ; while if C fires at B and misses him, A will equally kill C next, as the more dangerous of his opponents.) 
     (i) If C misses A, Aleksandr will kill C.  Now the Baron, with his second shot, has a 2/3 chance of being the sole survivor.
     (ii) If C kills A.  B again has a 2/3 chance of being the sole survivor.
 Summarising these chances, the Baron’s chances of being sole survivor
 are :      ⅔   •  ¼   •   ⅔  (a)
     plus  ⅓   •  ¼   •   ⅔  (b)  (i)
     plus  ⅓   •  ¾   •   ⅔  (b)  (ii)
               i.e. are ⅓ in all. 
(2) Natalya, of course, also calculated the Baron’s chances of survival were he so foolish as to fire first at the Count.
     (a) If the Baron kills the Count, he is forthwith killed by Aleksandr.
     (b) If the Baron misses the Count, the Count fires (as before) at                         Aleksandr.  The Baron’s chances are now as in (i) (b) above :                         i.e. 2/9 in all.
(3) A secret smile then plays on Natalya lips as the logical conclusion finally dawns on her. Suppose the Baron makes sure of missing!  Now, since the Count will next (as before) fire at Alexandr first, the Baron’s chances of survival become 2/3.  Hence, Natalya’s message to Baron D’Anthès was to make sure of missing her husband with his first shot.

Precursor of The Three-Cornered Duel.

Incidentally, Yanychev claimed, in his defence to spare his banishment, that this puzzle was inspired not by Pouschkin but by a Three-Cornered Duel fought between a midshipmen, a boatswain and a purser's steward, described by an English seafarer. It is indeed a fact that such a duel was published in 1836, a year before Pouschkin’s death. [An extract follows.]

       “You have grossly insulted this gentleman,” said Mr Biggs, in continuation; and notwithstanding all your talk of equality, you are afraid to give him satisfaction—you shelter yourself under your quarter-deck.”
       Mr Biggs," replied our hero, who was now very wroth, I shall go on shore directly we arrive at Malta. Let you and this fellow put on plain clothes, and I will meet you both—and then I'll show you whether I am afraid to give satisfaction.”
       One at a time, said the boatswain. 
       “No, sir, not one at a time, but both at the same time — I will fight both, or none. If you are my superior officer, you must descend, replied Jack, with an ironical sneer, "to meet me, or I will not descend to meet that fellow, whom I believe to have been little better than a pickpocket.
       This accidental hit of Jack’s made the purser's steward turn pale as a sheet, and then equally red. He raved and foamed amazingly, although he could not meet Jack’s indignant look, who then turned round again.
       Now, Mr Biggs, is this to be understood, or do you shelter yourself under your forecastle?
       I'm no dodger, replied the boatswain, and we will settle the affair at Malta. . . . 
       . . . Mr Biggs having declared that he would fight, of course had to look out for a second, and he fixed upon Mr Tallboys, the gunner, and requested him to be his friend. Mr Tallboys, who had been latterly very much annoyed by Jack’s victories over him in the science of navigation, and therefore felt ill-will towards him, consented; but he was very much puzzled how to arrange that three were to fight at the same time, for he had no idea of there being two duels; so he went to his cabin and commenced reading. Jack, on the other hand, dared not say a word to Jolliffe on the subject; indeed there was no one in the ship to whom he could confide but Gascoigne: he therefore went to him, and although Gascoigne thought it was excessively ‘infra dig’ of Jack to meet even the boatswain, as the challenge had been given there was no retracting: he therefore consented, like all midshipmen, anticipating fun, and quite thoughtless of the consequences.


“Equal angles subtended by equal sides.”

The second day after they had been anchored in Valette Harbour, the boatswain and gunner, Jack and Gascoigne, obtained permission to go on shore. Mr Easthupp, the purser’s steward, dressed in his best blue coat, with brass buttons and velvet collar, the very one in which he had been taken up when he had been vowing and protesting that he was a gentleman, at the very time that his hand was abstracting a pocket-book, went up on the quarter-deck, and requested the same indulgence, but Mr Sawbridge refused, as he required him to return staves and hoops at the cooperage. Mesty also, much to his mortification, was not to be spared. This was awkward, but it was got over by proposing that the meeting should take place behind the cooperage at a certain hour, on which Mr Easthupp might slip out, and borrow a portion of the time appropriated to his duty, to heal the breach in his wounded honour. So the parties all went on shore, and put up at one of the small inns to make the necessary arrangements.
       Mr Tallboys then addressed Mr Gascoigne, taking him apart while the boatswain amused himself with a glass of grog, and our hero sat outside teasing a monkey.
       Mr Gascoigne,” said the gunner, I have been very much puzzled how this duel should be fought, but I have at last found it out. You see that there are three parties to fight; had there been two or four there would have been no difficulty, as the right line or square might guide us in that instance; but we must arrange it upon the triangle in this.”
       Gascoigne stared; he could not imagine what was coming.
       Are you aware, Mr Gascoigne, of the properties of an equilateral triangle?”
       Yes,” replied the midshipman, that it has three equal sides — but what the devil has that to do with the duel?”
       Everything, Mr Gascoigne,” replied the gunner; it has resolved the great difficulty: indeed, the duel between three can only be fought upon that principle. You observe," said the gunner, taking a piece of chalk out of his pocket, and making a triangle on the table, "in this figure we have three points, each equidistant from each other: and we have three combatants—so that, placing one at each point, it is all fair play for the three: Mr Easy, for instance, stands here, the boatswain here, and the purser’s steward at the third corner. Now, if the distance is fairly measured, it will be all right.”
       But then,” replied Gascoigne, delighted at the idea; how are they to fire?” 
       It certainly is not of much consequence,” replied the gunner, but still, as sailors, it appears to me that they should fire with the sun; that is, Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, Mr Biggs fires at Mr Easthupp, and Mr Easthupp fires at Mr Easy; so that you perceive that each party has his shot at one, and at the same time receives the fire of another.”
       Gascoigne was in ecstasies at the novelty of the proceeding, the more so as he perceived that Easy obtained every advantage by the arrangement.
       "Upon my word, Mr Tallboys, I give you great credit; you have a profound mathematical head, and I am delighted with your arrangement. Of course, in these affairs, the principals are bound to comply with the arrangements of the seconds, and I shall insist upon Mr Easy consenting to your excellent and scientific proposal.”
       Gascoigne went out, and pulling Jack away from the monkey, told him what the gunner had proposed, at which Jack laughed heartily.
       The gunner also explained it to the boatswain, who did not very well comprehend, but replied—
       I dare say it’s all right—shot for shot, and d—n all favours.” The parties then repaired to the spot with two pairs of ship’s pistols, which Mr Tallboys had smuggled on shore; and, as soon as they were on the ground, the gunner called Mr Easthupp out of the cooperage. In the meantime, Gascoigne had been measuring an equilateral triangle of twelve paces—and marked it out. Mr Tallboys, on his return with the purser’s steward, went over the ground, and finding that it was equal angles subtended by equal sides,” declared that it was all right. Easy took his station, the boatswain was put into his, and Mr Easthupp, who was quite in a mystery, was led by the gunner to the third position.
       But, Mr Tallboys,” said the purser's steward, I don’t understand this. Mr Easy will first fight Mr Biggs, will he not?”
       No," replied the gunner, this is a duel of three. You will fire at Mr Easy, Mr Easy will fire at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs will fire at you. It is all arranged, Mr Easthupp.”
       But,” said Mr Easthupp, I do not understand it. Why is Mr Biggs to fire at me? I have no quarrel with Mr Biggs.”
       Because Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, and Mr Biggs must have his shot as well.”
       If you have ever been in the company of gentlemen, Mr Easthupp," observed Gascoigne, you must know something about duelling.”
       Yes, yes, I've kept the best company, Mr Gascoigne, and I can give a gentleman satisfaction; but —
       Then, sir, if that is the case, you must know that your honour is in the hands of your second, and that no gentleman appeals.
       Yes, yes, I know that, Mr Gascoigne; but still I’ve no quarrel with Mr Biggs, and therefore, Mr Biggs, of course you will not aim at me.
       Why you don’t think that I am going to be fired at for nothing, replied the boatswain; “no, no, I'll have my shot anyhow.
       But at your friend, Mr Biggs?
       All the same, I shall fire at somebody; shot for shot, and hit the luckiest.

[Please forgive the lengthy extracts but I have followed the Oulipoian principle of the footnotes being of substantially greater depth than the cited text.)

============================================

For other excerpts from Tchékhov’s as-yet-unpublished crime novel, D-r Tchékhov, Detektiv, see:
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/d-r-tchekhov-skirmish-with-wolves-and.html
or
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/dead-wife-new-hat-femme-morte-chapeau.html
or
http://catherineeisnerfrance.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/inductive-detection.html